


Dusk Till Dawn

by chaeyoongs



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Background Break-Up, Canon Temporary Character Death, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Insomnia, M/M, Nightmares, No Spoilers, Panic Attacks, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-15 17:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18674410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaeyoongs/pseuds/chaeyoongs
Summary: Just in case, in the very unlikely and ridiculous case, that Tony had ever been honest to anyone about any of this, he would have admitted that it had scared him. That Peter had used to make him feel young and alive how not even Pepper had been able to do it. Maybe that was why they broke up and he couldn't even blame Peter. Peter, who first had been gone and then not anymore and who could end Tony. But he would still stay with him from dusk till dawn.Post Endgame; No Spoilers





	Dusk Till Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> !No Spoilers!  
> Okay okay okay, it has been almost a year since I have written something for this website and it is the very first time I have taken on the challenge to write in the MCU!  
> I am very excited and proud of this as it was my very first attempt at portraying Tony and although it's been a week since I've watched Endgame I needed this Fix-It with soft Starker Hurt/Comfort as Peter's death still haunts me in my nightmares :(  
> The Oneshot doesn't contain any details about how they brought everyone killed by the Snap back and also somewhat ignores some events of the movie, so it's all spoiler-free and angsty-soft as everything I write :D  
> Now, enjoy, indulge the comfort and have a wonderful day!  
> \- Chae

They have been trying for years. Tony wished it was an exaggeration but it truly has been years. Maybe five. Looking back, he wasn't too sure anymore. All this time had seemed to pass like in a blur. He had been numb in a way he thought he couldn't ever get again. And it was ridiculous because he had tried to move on. They both had, Pepper and him. After all those years that they have been together, he had thought that they would make it through this, too. Needless to say, they haven't.

  
Tony could lie to himself and say, it was her fault. But it truly wasn't. In fact, most of the things that had gone wrong before and after the Snap had been his fault. He should have been more careful, more loving, more everything. It has always been a fight between the knowledge that things he did were wrong and the seemingly invincible stubbornness to continue doing them anyway. And although a lot of events of the past had entirely been his fault, what happened after the Snap had been more of a short circuit of all of his senses.

  
After they had lost everyone - after he had lost Peter - he had found himself thinking that maybe it was better this way. It would be too much to say that he agreed with Thanos' theory, that making half of the earth's population vanish would turn them into better people. The reason he caught himself thinking those horrible things when the night got too dark and the glass in his hands progressively emptier, every now and then, was far more selfish than he would admit to anyone except maybe Pepper - but that had been before things became so wrong. The reason he sometimes came to the conclusion that the Snap maybe had been a good thing is the exact same reason that made him wish Thanos had never existed. It made him wish he had been better. Genuinely better. Because maybe then, Peter would still be alive. He had heard others say this thing over and over again. "If I had done more, they wouldn't be gone now."

  
Tony had scoffed every single time and then left but when he was being truthful, which he hasn't once been, he felt the same. And, oh did he hate acting like one of those who had lost all of their loved ones because he still had Pepper and Cap and the others. But it wasn't the same. Not without the kid.

  
There was a night where he had his hands folded on top of his chest and he was staring up at the ceiling as though it would give him anything. He would accept anything because there was this emptiness which sometimes overcame him so intensely and it was exhausting. Pepper felt it, too. She was laying next to him and she carefully sneaked a hand up to put it on top of Tony's. Then she squeezed them and Tony could feel that she wanted to put all of her understanding and love into that one, single touch. She probably knew that words were useless since the grief of having lost his friends was something Tony would rather deal with on his own. It wasn't as though Tony wasn't thankful for her touch, for her steady breath that sometimes made him fall asleep but it wasn't enough, and he couldn't say if there had been anything she could have done to make it enough.

  
Steve has been trying to be the good and happy spirit throughout all those years and Tony couldn't stop himself from thinking that Peter would have done the same. Well, he wouldn't have needed to try. He would just have been the same excited and witted kid, tinkering until Tony would send him to bed with a firm voice. And he was sure he would still beg and "Mr. Stark" in a long drawn-out manner. Because he would move on. He wouldn't fail as miserably as the rest of them. It hurt to say that he had got used to it but he had and he still had been himself. What Tony would do to have that eager kid around. He had made him feel young again in a way no one else in the compound had been able to, not even his own wife.

  
Just in case, in the very unlikely and ridiculous case, that Tony had ever been honest to anyone about any of this, he would have admitted that it had scared him. It had scared him shitless to feel like that in Peter's presence and absence. Peter vanishing freed him of that fear. He didn't have to fear losing his mind and his wife along with it anymore because the boy - God, he had hardly been a man and for all those years he had mourned that he would never be - who could have ripped it all away from him without even knowing wasn't there anymore. He had vanished with so many others and it was good. It was selfish and sad but it was good. It had been, at least.

  
Until they got them back. And Tony would like to say that he hadn't neglected Pepper and himself to achieve that. He would like to say that he hadn't spent years in his laboratory on caffeine and insomnia, bent over notes until his back killed him and his hair so greasy that he didn't even feel the discomfort of not having washed in days anymore. He sometimes ripped all of his ideas and papers. It only happened when he was drunk. Because he couldn't bring him back, he couldn't possibly bring Peter and the rest back. It would end him. Peter Parker would end him. And he would let it happen, he knows he would. Whenever he sobered up, he would then drop to the floor right next to the bin and try to find every single piece of his threads. Betimes, he would even sob dryly. He hadn't shed any tears in ages and even when he was so full of remorse and shame, full of anger at himself, he couldn't. So he would gasp for air and tell himself to pull himself together. It rarely worked. All those years he had been in the constant dilemma of just giving up and moving on together with Pepper, seeing the Snap as something that had to happen, that would do him and his marriage good because it had started ripping at the seams and he hadn't known what to do, and not resting until Peter would be with them - with him - again. He had wanted to have him back. He had wanted to have him back so bad that Tony still didn't know which option was the more selfish one - Not that it mattered anyway.

  
Them coming back was the last straw that it had taken Pepper and him to fully fall apart. Tony couldn't blame her. It was on him. Because the moment Tony had seen those soft yet increasingly maturing features, those wide eyes and the realization within that he had, in a way, conquered death and how _cool_ it was, nothing else but his well-being had mattered. All he had needed was to know the kid safe. So he made sure to have F.R.I.D.A.Y. watching over his vital signs all around the clock, when he was in Queens with his Aunt May as well as when he returned to his quarters in the compound. He couldn't sleep, not knowing whether Peter was in potential danger, and one might call him obsessed or controlling but he had lost him before.

  
During the first year, he would remember the void between his hands when he helplessly reached for Peter on the ground. He would remember the way his body and eventually his face would fade into nothingness. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The saying used to not have a lot of meaning to him until he saw the way Peter had  _become_  dust within seconds, so quickly that there had been no time for Tony to say anything, to comfort him and take away the horror from within his eyes. They had been glassy and widened in fear and Tony knew his own had been the same. Just that he didn't die that day although he thought he should have.

  
Being alive while Peter wasn't, having seen him die, it had been a pain greater than Pepper telling him that she couldn't do this anymore was. Even for a man like Tony, it sounded harsh and unloyal while he has always tried to be nothing but the opposite to her. She had been the woman to keep his life together, to make sure he wouldn't lose himself in his work and dark thoughts. He had hurt and he had lost her. He himself had been hurting, too, but that was beside the point.

  
It hadn't been the first time in his life and it certainly wouldn't be the last time but it had been the first one after such a long while. He had thought that maybe, Pepper was the one with whom he had wanted to grow even older than he already was with. So what had it been that had torn them apart? Had it been the Snap? Peter? If someone were to ask Pepper, she probably couldn't pinpoint it herself because she didn't know about Peter. She might have caught Tony staring at that one picture of them both in front of the headquarters building, seeming sadder than she had seen him ever before probably, but to her, it hadn't been the reason to leave - although she had never wanted to do that in the first place. What had it been? Weren't they meant for each other? It makes Tony, ridiculously, think that there was no one who could have possibly been meant to be with him. It wasn't a thought blossoming out of self-pity but a realization that hit him about two months after everyone had returned.

  
He was sitting, or more lying, on the couch of the compound's kitchen and whenever he attached his lips to the glass - The liqueur stung on his red bitten lips - he feared he might pour the entire remaining liquid over himself. It wasn't the most suitable position to drink in but he couldn't find it in himself to actually straighten up. He looked pathetic and probably older but he was alone and it didn't matter. His gaze flickered upwards to the ceiling every now and then and whenever he had stared into the dimmed lights for a while, he had to close his eyes because he started feeling dizzy and his lids started twitching. And as he was sipping like that in an endless loop of staring into the lights, closing his eyes, taking a gulp and looking up again, he realized that he wasn't a good man. Saying he hadn't thought or claimed so before and that quite often would have been a lie. God, he had even told Peter - It had been before the Snap, before everything bad had happened - that he wanted him to be better than him for the simple reason that he sucked as a role model and that Peter should become anything but possibly as unlike Tony as possible. He was no good man and Pepper used to not care but even the best woman sooner or later craves for someone just as good. Yeah, he really couldn't blame her.

  
Then bare footsteps sounded far away and Tony in his maybe-a-little-more-than-tipsy haze snapped his head around, almost alarmed, only to make out a small figure sneaking into the kitchen. He didn't have to be in his right mind to almost instantly recognize the intruder as Peter. He had got so used to eyeing him and making sure he was alright throughout the past few months, even more so as he knew that the delight of being back had soon been replaced by a deep sense of anxiety and ever-returning nightmares. He had first started noticing them when Peter had spent his time in Queens. F.R.I.D.A.Y. had woken him in the middle of the night to report an unusually high heart rate and it came to Tony that he must have been sleeping in his suit. First, it had wondered and startled him to see nothing but darkness through the monitor, Peter's heavy breathing and quiet whimpers as the only sounds disrupting the almost perfect idyl. The very first time it had happened, he had been about to switch off the monitor but then the ceiling of Peter's room had become visible and he had inhaled and ripped off the mask so harshly that Tony had been able to feel the pain in his own lungs. A nightmare. It happened more often. Only after a few more sleepless nights, Tony realized that Peter wasn't sleeping with his suit on because it was comfortable but because he was scared. Tony wasn't exactly an expert, however, he didn't have to have any psychological knowledge to figure that Peter was scared of death and vanishing. It was naive of him to believe the suit would protect him - especially as there had been quite a few times where Tony had feared he might choke underneath his mask and sometimes his breathing just wouldn't calm down after waking up but would wind up into a mix of hyperventilation and strangled sobs - but in a way, it made sense and it made Tony's heart ache. It made his heart ache because he saw Peter suffering and being so scared all those nights without being able to interfere because he was just his mentor and he wasn't supposed to be knowing about any of this. No one was. A week before Peter returned, he told F.R.I.D.A.Y. to shut the alarm off.

  
That was two weeks ago and he could tell from the way Peter's steps slurred that he was tired, if his dark undereye didn't already give it away. He seemed so exhausted and fragile that Tony found himself wishing he could get up - He would trip and fall - and wrap his arms around him, so innocently and gently until Peter could relax. He wasn't even sure if his proximity could even have such an effect on Peter or if it would make him uncomfortable. But he just wanted to. He wanted to comfort Peter and tell him he was safe because after all this time Tony believes in something like safety for Peter. It's needless to say that he didn't let him take part in any missions so there wasn't even anything throughout the day which might harm him. When Peter had asked him, he simply said that he thought the kid needed some more time. And contrary to Tony's apprehension, he hadn't protested. He hadn't tried to convince Tony that he was fine and that he could start being a superhero again from one day to another. It had confirmed that he wasn't fine.

  
Without Pepper just holding onto his hands despite it not doing much for Tony, he felt lonely and helpless. It wasn't as though she had been able to help him for quite a while now but within being with someone there still had been some comfort, some closure. Maybe the urge to be there for Peter, to have him alright, is just an attempt at compensating that lack of closure. It was ridiculous because, in Tony's life, there was everything set. He didn't have to fear to lose his money or company, his friends. Life had been somehow peaceful and deep down, it's not just feeling lonely. It had been there before the Snap and all of his senses seemed hyperaware now that Peter was back while Pepper just wasn't there anymore, still in his life but not available the way that she used to be. Saying it was loneliness made it easier. That way he didn't have to think about it even more deeply than Tony already is. He has always been good at lying to himself.  
Peter didn't notice Tony on the couch at first. His senses were giving up on him, it happened when he didn't eat or sleep enough. The man was laying as still as possible, he didn't want to startle Peter and he didn't know how to make Peter aware of his presence. Even if he did, his plan would end up failing while trying to figure out something to say or do. So his eyes were just drowsily lingering on Peter. He watched him tug the handle of the refrigerator and tensing up his arm until he had it open. Tony could see how the bright light illuminated his features, the free hand not holding onto the door shot upwards to be roughly rubbed over his face. Tony wished he could take it into his hand and keep him from treating himself so harshly, stroking the back of his hand and the skin of his wrists to make him loosen up. He was too intoxicated to question that desire, there would be enough time to do that once he had sobered up. Besides, it wasn't the first time and it certainly wouldn't be the last one.

  
The young man grabbed one of the juice boxes inside the refrigerator. He was clumsy to open the lid and his movements seemed wary and uncoordinated. At least he had been mature enough to figure that there was no way he could be Spider-Man while also being like this. He rested his forehead against the edge of the fridge and although Tony couldn't see it - He couldn't see properly in general, his sight was a little blurry - he thought that he must have his eyes closed. He must be freezing like that, only dressed in a pair of pyjama shorts and a graphic shirt, no socks or whatsoever. Though, Peter didn't seem to mind. In fact, his shoulders slumped along with his posture and for a moment Tony feared he might drop to the floor. But he kept the grip on the juice box tight and after taking another few sips, he put the lid back on.

  
He only recognized Tony on the couch when he turned around after closing the fridge. He instantly froze in his motion and his droopy eyes went wide like they always have whenever Peter looked at Tony. It was something he had noticed before and he had come to the conclusion that after everything, the kid still saw him as a hero. Although he hadn't been able to save him the first time. How could Peter possibly still see him that way after Tony being the cause of him not being able to sleep, having those nightmares?

  
His thoughts wandered back to his earlier realization. He wasn't a good man. Peter was. He was too good for someone like Tony. He had failed him and he still would come back to him and look at him with those doe eyes.

  
"Mr. Stark", were the first surprised words coming raspily out of Peter's mouth. Ageing up hadn't changed much about the high pitch of his voice. It still sounded childish and sweet, a little like honey and with that edge of exhaustion like tulipwood.

  
Tony somehow found the strength within his limbs to lift himself up just enough so that he could hold onto the backrest of the couch without spilling the petty remains of his drink. He rambled quietly and hummed.

  
And just as though he hadn't been aware of Peter's nightly juice-craving until he had addressed him he muttered: "Told you to call me Tony."

  
It was true. It was a step Tony hadn't dared before Peter's disappearance because he had feared what it might do to him to let the boy any closer. But after he had come back, he hadn't wanted any more of that distance. Well, he had wanted it but he hadn't been able to bring himself to keep it up after the way Peter had pressed himself against his chest. He remembered him coming so vividly, even in his current state.

  
"I am sorry, M-", Peter had already pressed his lips together in the sound before he corrected himself hurriedly,"-Tony." He was so eager despite his tiredness.

Would he ever stop trying to impress Tony?

  
Tony eyed him over the cushion of the couch and squinted his eyes a little as though it would make him see more clearly. It didn't.

  
"Don't worry, kid", he said in his old-fashioned manner and gave Peter a slight nod. He didn't dare to move his head too quickly as he knew his inebriated circulatory wouldn't forgive him.

  
The nod was a silent invitation for Peter to come closer, to accompany him on the couch but the uncertain expression on the boy's face made it apparent that he wasn't able to grasp the intention behind the motion. Tony understood. He was tired, probably hadn't slept properly in ages and the thought had made him sleep little, too. So he added: "C'mere, kid."

  
Tony knew, in the very depths of his mind, that he shouldn't give in to his desire to comfort Peter until there would be nothing left of his fears, until all that there would be was warmth and proximity, comfort that he knew he wouldn't even be able to find in his best friend. Only in Peter. The thought scared him just as much as bringing Peter along with the others back had scared him. But was there any reason for him to not relent? He thought that Peter was just as lonely although he was surrounded by all of his friends and colleagues and that asking him to come closer, to wrap his arms around him and give him a sense of closeness and affection came very close to taking advantage of him. He couldn't find it in himself to tell Peter that he had changed his mind and that he should rather go to bed. Instead, he emphasized his former words by gesturing wearily with the hand not holding his glass.

  
He notices the kid's eyes on his glass, then on his face, but the closer he got the less Tony felt able to pinpoint his expression. His features took on a soft blur, gentler edges and Tony could only hope the look in his own eyes was neutral. He caught himself following each and every one of his motions until the sound of his bare feet was so close that he perceived the way his skin stuck to the floor.

  
Tony shifted a bit and pulled his legs closer to his own body so that there would be enough space for Peter to sit down. He was small, strong but petit and his thighs were hardly any broader than the pillows spread across the couch. He didn't need to ask Peter to sit down another time, he did it on his own and pulled up his legs until they were crossed. It looked as though he was hiding his feet in the pits of his knees to warm them up and Tony acknowledged that despite his difficulties with his eyesight, he was still attentive enough - only around Peter - to notice such small details.

  
His hand was a little shaky when he leaned over to the coffee table to put the glass down and he groaned, his face scrunched up. Then in an attempted swift motion, he grabbed the folded blanket from behind his back to nudge it in Peter's direction.

  
"Don't need our friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man to freeze to death", he commented as Peter eyed the blanket suspiciously.

  
The kid pressed his lips together and started fumbling with the fabric, his gaze flickering upwards to Tony, mumbling a quiet yet sincere "Thank you". He was a good kid. He maybe even remembered the time all those years ago when he had turned Tony down and he couldn't help but wonder if, if he had done something differently, Peter would have never gone through any of this. If he hadn't asked him on that mission when the Avengers were falling apart, hadn't spurted him to get better, if he had just taken enough care of him.

  
Everything that has happened over the course of the past few years had been a series of events that had left Tony feeling as though he could have done so much better. From losing Steve and some of his other friends to Peter's death and Pepper's resolution. In hindsight, it is always easy to point out one's own mistakes but it wouldn't undo any of the things resulting from those. He could admit that he has failed Peter and he still would be sitting here on the couch with him, cross-legged and his eyes swollen from all those sleepless nights he must have had. Tony could tell from the way his work in the laboratory has been lacking its usual flawlessness lately. And his features; they didn't seem as bright as before. It was consequences Tony should be ought to live with. His mistakes, his debt. Yet it was Peter who was paying it.

  
Peter was sitting quietly and he had his hands folded in his lap, his gaze fixated on them although it seemed as though he was rather looking past - through - them. Tony wasn't sure if he noticed how he was fumbling with his fingers or how they were shaking and if the knowledge would have made Peter stop. Maybe he was too sunken in his thoughts. It seemed oddly intimate of the kid to not even be trying to hide his jittering, to not be trying to talk or look up but he could hardly be aware of the intimacy that Tony found within his mere being.

  
Tony thought about offering Peter a drink just so that he had something to say because he wanted to say something - anything - so bad. But he was barely legal and Tony was supposed to be the adult here. So instead he cocked his head to the side, his eyes had been on Peter for most of the time now, and he hums in the back of his throat: "What're you doing awake, Pete, hm?"

  
It took the kid a moment to properly process Tony's question, it seemed, but once he did, he lifted up his gaze and met Tony's briefly before he found a spot behind him to focus his eyes on, invisible to Tony. He pressed his lips together and puffed up his cheeks a little, then exhaled slowly.

  
"I couldn't sleep", Peter says almost casually with a shrug and for a moment, he looked back in Tony's face.

  
Of course, he couldn't.

  
It was odd to have his eyes on him without the usual excitement and adrenaline that he had got from either battling or caffeine - Who in the world would give this kid anything containing caffeine anyway? - but during the past two weeks, Tony had got used to missing that sparkle. At least he wishes he could say that he had got used to it. It still caught him off-guard. Peter wasn't supposed to be looking so tired, so mature yet so vulnerably young.

  
Tony would like to ask how come he couldn't sleep but he knew why so maybe his silence gave that away. But he wouldn't push Peter to talk about any of this unless he wanted, unless he explicitly asked for Tony's attention - not as though he didn't have it anyway. Tony realized that he would always give Peter his entire and undivided attention, no matter the circumstances. That was how far gone he was in his current state of mind. He wished he hadn't been fearing to come to that point all along. He had known that he would sooner or later if they brought them back. And they had so there he was.

  
As he didn't know what he could possibly say to not make Peter feel uncomfortable, he just silenced and Peter followed suit. Silencing was okay. It made Tony feel distant from Peter but it truly was okay as long as they both had mutually agreed to that silence. Yet it bugged Tony. His mind seemed to be spinning with things he wanted to say and ask because, despite his incapability to form comprehensive sentences, there were enough shreds inside his mind to leave him with the desire to talk.

  
He wanted to ask Peter about the nightmares and occasional panic attacks, the years that he had spent gone. He wanted to tell him that he might be his mentor but that, if he wanted, Tony would be his friend, that he might be old but he used to be young, too, and he also might not have experienced what Peter had but that he would give trying to comprehend his everything. God, he truly would.

  
He can hear the rustling of the blanket Peter had draped around his lower body and Tony forced himself to avert his eyes although not looking at him directly made him anxious, as though he might disappear while he wasn't paying attention. Dust to dust. Again.

  
Then there was a voice, so small and high-pitched that Tony almost didn't catch it: "I was scared."

  
His glance instantly darted to Peter again and he searched for any proof that those words really just left his mouth. He had gone back to squeezing his lips together into a tight line and Tony could see him biting the inside of his cheek, almost as if he was ashamed or anxious about what he said and what Tony's answer might be.

  
"Of what?"

  
It was a ridiculous question. Of course, Tony could have asked a more ridiculous question because in the life of a superhero there were so many things one could be scared of but in that particular - Peter's - case, there was only a handful. And after having died and returned, there was even less.

  
He saw Peter moving his hands up from his lap to run them over his face in the same harsh manner as he had done it earlier at the refrigerator and Tony had a hard time not reaching for his wrists. He wanted him to stop tugging at himself like that, as though he wasn't made out of flesh and blood, as though sometimes he still felt like dust. And Tony wished he could touch him, too. Sometimes at least. That one hug when he had come back (He had buried his face in his hair and held him as close as he could so that it would still be appropriate) and the few pats of his shoulder hadn't been enough to replace the memory of his vanishing body.

  
Peter hesitated for another moment before he let out a deep breath. He must have been holding it without Tony noticing.

  
"Of going again."

  
_I don't wanna go, Mr. Stark._

  
_I don't feel so good._

  
Tony pressed his thumbs against the bridge of his nose as he scrunched up his face in discomfort. He had been hearing his voice, those words, over and over again for all those years. How Peter didn't want to go, how he didn't know what was happening although he had been old enough to know that he was dying. Warmth vanishing, sobs echoing through the void until they faded with everything that Peter had used to be. He must remember that moment just as vividly and having been gone... Tony didn't even know what it had to feel like because barely anyone dared to talk about it.

  
Peter was scared of going again and Tony couldn't blame him even if he had felt any desire to do so. He couldn't blame him for being up in the middle of the night and worrying Tony so much that he would rather have a few more occasional drinks than good for his health. He couldn't blame him for occupying his mind and the guilt he had been feeling from the moment he died to the first time Peter's heart rate had woken him up.

  
Peter was scared and Tony felt helpless because maybe it was his fault he had to ever be scared of death like that. So wasn't his duty to make him feel safe and at peace? Regardless of what he possibly might be feeling for Peter, it truly felt like his duty. And there was also that part inside of him that just wanted to know Peter close and safe (as if his arms could save him this time).

  
He didn't stop himself - He didn't want to - from gesturing Peter closer and murmuring a quiet, almost gentle "C'mere". He also didn't stop himself from slinging his arms around Peter the way he had done it the day he had died and eventually come back. And he especially didn't stop himself from nudging his clothed back with his hands, caressing the fabric of one of those science pun shirts, until Peter would relax underneath his touch. He felt so small and much more like the kid he had remembered him as with his face pressed against Tony's shoulder.

  
He would have liked to consider where the appropriacy ended and his actions turned sheerly shameless but he couldn't find it in himself. Maybe then he wouldn't have pulled Peter so close that he could feel his warmth and his scent all over him.

  
He was old enough to appreciate the awareness of someone else's smell and knowing that Peter's scent haunting him sometimes meant so much more than he would have liked to admit before had made him scared. Right now he wasn't concentrated on his own fears because Peter's mattered so much more. And he didn't care about appropriacy and shamelessness because Peter's nightmares and the tension in his muscles was caused by him in a way. Although it might not be as true as Tony made it out to be at that moment, he would continue faulting himself for taking away the brightness in Peter's eyes. He missed it. He missed feeling young and not like a bad man who couldn't bring any good to the people he loved (He still thought he deserved it most of the time).

  
If Tony had considered any of those things that had led him to believe that there was something good about the Snap, he would have sent Peter to bed long before he could have even imagined what it would be like to feel him in his embrace.

  
Needless to say, he didn't. He didn't want to because he selfishly thought that maybe it was what Peter needed. Someone who was strong for him and made him feel safe, as though he would never disappear again. As though someone had got him. And Tony did.

  
When he first had put his arms on Peter's shoulders, he had felt the way his jaw had tensed up in an attempt to verbally protest but all he then had got was a small "This is nice".

  
So Tony didn't part. He kept Peter's face pressed against the area where his shoulder met his collarbones and after a few more, considering moments (He didn't even consider, he knew he would do it but he wanted to draw it out for a moment longer) he patted the back of his head carefully. It was almost an approving gesture, as though he was telling him that he had done well, and Tony was aware that it hadn't been necessary as Peter had already started to loosen up. Still, he had the hope that Peter needed the warmth just as much as Tony thought he would.

  
This time, Peter's warmth and the tightness of his grip around the man didn't fade. And this time, Tony could tell him all of those comforting things he wished he would have had the chance to get off his chest sooner.

  
"I got you" and "You are safe". He almost added the word _here_ , wanted to say that as long as Peter was with him he would do everything to protect him, to keep him safe from any harm the world could do him. He could feel that Peter believed him.

  
Tony wasn't a good man. He was selfish and if someone faulted him for the bad that had happened to others, he might even fault himself. But despite the guilt he felt towards Peter he wanted to be better this time. Deep down he hoped that this time he could keep his word. He wouldn't disappoint Peter again. And he would stay with him until those fears would be gone, no matter how many dusks and dawns it would take.


End file.
